The telemarketer

The other night, I was reading to the girls on my bed and the phone rang. I couldn't tell due to the number on the caller id, if it was my dad (who calls with a calling card and the number that comes up is a random 800 number) or if it is a telemarketer. I answer. It's a telemarketer.

She goes through part of her dialog and I say to her "this isn't a good time, I'm putting my children to bed right now" and she says "Oh, I am so sorry" and I say quickly, before she tells me she will call me back "Would you please take me off your calling list?" (and as a side note, I AM on the "do not call" list but somehow still get calls on occasion, which is utterly annoying)

And of course, because they have to by law, she says she will oblige.

Anna stares at me. She stammers around. She is breathless when she says "Mommy! That telemarketer called Daddy's house this weekend and HE told her to take him off her calling list too!"

She shakes her head in disbelief. "I can't believe it! You both got a call from THE telemarketer!!!!"

Brushes with Celebrity

So, we've all had our run ins with celebrities. Having grown up in the HEART of celebrities, near Malibu, Ca, I played beach volleyball with Randy Stoklos' brother (okay, I lived a block from Randy Stoklos) and I played in a volleyball league with an Epic records guy. I ran track with the girl in "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" and the Deluise brothers (Peter, David, Michael...) went to my high school. David Deluise is now in a bunch of commercials and on a Disney show my children like to watch. I know there are more folks, like eating at the local deli next to Chevy Chase and his family and seeing Billy Idol standing in front of his house. Meryl Streep and Walter Mathau's wife shopped at a store I worked at in highschool.

Yet my favorite story is this:

I went to a highschool where there was a mix of kids. Some bussed from the inner city, some rode their skateboards to school, some drove BMWs and some drove VW buses with their surfboards hanging out the back (like me). One thing that happened to be consistant was that we had "students" who were "narks". Remember 21 Jump Street with Johnny Depp? (and Peter Deluise, speaking of...)...they were narks.

We had narks. Usually a few things pointed them out to us: a) they usually had a hall pass at odd times b) quietly "the new guy" hanging with the druggies c) after a drug bust, the nark mysteriously "transferred" schools.

So, the first day of my sophomore year in high school, my friend and I are sitting outside of our History class, waiting for the teacher to open up. And there is this HOT guy named Antonio standing around. He looked like he could have been about 10 years older than us, he was mature, he was HOT, he was a big hot burly guy in 11th grade English.

We enter the classroom and the teacher promptly sits us at our desks in alphabetical order. My last name began with an "R", his with an "S" so consequently, the hot guy was sitting behind me. I had ALL semester with a hot guy behind me! Of course, my friend who's last name began with a "B" was way at the front of the room, silently cursing me and mouthing foul words in my direction. Oh, my luck.

The guy was nice. He was hot. He never tried to cheat on the tests. I don't think he did his homework very often though. He ended up on the football team for a while. He used to tease me about my name and make jokes and he'd wave to me in the hall. The best was that I had LONG hair and I generally would go to school directly from surfing in the early a.m. and I don't know if it was the crusty salt water in my hair, but he would play with it, since I was in front of him and my hair I guess got in the way. (oh, and I liked it, yes, I liked it!)

And then, there was a drug bust and then he was gone.

My friend and I had decided he was a nark. A few months later, we saw him on campus and he came over to say hello. I said "hey, what happened to you?"

Hot guy: I transferred schools.

Me: Yeah RIIIIGHT!

SIX months later, my friend runs up to me with a magazine. "You've got to see this!"

There, in the magazine, was the guy modeling. Nark, my ass. Coincidental that he left right after the drug bust.

I end up talking to a guy I knew on the football team and he said that one day, the guy said "I'm outa here, I'm going to make some money" and disappeared from the team, which was when he disappeared from school.

A few years later, he was on General Hospital and modeling underwear for Calvin Klein.

He certainly got "outa" there and made "some money".

I just looked him up online and he's still hot. Not my type, a little too "metro sexual" for me, but there is no denying that he is hot. And that I would have a one-nighter with him in an instant.

Oh, it was this guy, Antonio Sabato, Jr. "HALLO ANTONIO! REMEMBER ME??!?!?!!"

A Letter on Mother's Day

Dear Girls,

The greatest thing in my life is the two of you. It took me a little while to hold steadfast to that notion, to notice that it was you that straightened me out in the end, to realize that for your protection, I had to change our lives, for my sanity, and the greater possibility to raise you with great self esteem. To help you become young women with self confidence and motivation and the energy to make your own decisions, the WILL to be whole women, to recognize the need for that in your lives and follow through with it with self assurance. I am glad I have shown up for this.

I have my favorite times of the day with you two, the first being when you wake up and file in to my bedroom together with your hair standing on end and your arms filled with your loved ones, "Foofie" and "Lambie", and you climb into bed with me. If it is early, you somehow know to be quieter than usual, so that all I can hear is your breathing and the sucking sound of Claire's binky. Sometimes, when your hair is sticking to the dried snot on the side of your face, I like to peel it away so your beautiful faces emerge smiling and refreshed from a good night's sleep. If I am perhaps already out of bed and downstairs, the entrance you two make in the morning is that of "TA DA!!!! HERE WE ARE NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH US?" And although I always love seeing you, on the mornings where you arrive screaming and slapping each other over some toy you'd left on the stairs the night before, I want to send you back to bed for a "re-do".

Going to bed at night is another time I love. Reading stories on my bed all together and then singing hymns back in your bedroom. The way Anna likes to snuggle and "get cozy" and the way Claire puts her hand on my face when I am singing and stares into my eyes and hums along, it is a requirement for you to have your face 1 inch from mine at all times at bedtime, both of you.

There are so many other highlights, you've recently discovered pink lemonade. So yesterday when were at the grocery store and you kept asking me to show you where the lemons are. I wheeled the cart by the lemons but you weren't finding what you were looking for.

"Honey, the lemons are RIGHT THERE!."

"No, Mommy, we're looking for the pink lemons."

I love how your minds work. I love how you love everything around you (except green food).

In a way, I feel like I spaced out in part of your babyhood, even though I was with both of you from the moment you were born. Being married, for me, was taking away what I was gaining in young adulthood. I was not yet strong enough to stand on my own or know who I am and be married. So, that took away from the moments that could have been more joyous for us as a family, although I noticed everything.

As we have set out on our own now, you know that although we are not all together, we all love each other. I love your daddy because he is your daddy. And he is a good daddy to you both. I love you because you are both little bundles of joy with strong spirits, deep souls, and creative minds, with no lack for lightheartedness and days filled with silliness, fun and enlightenment.

You both teach me how to continue on each day, feeling and knowing that I am lacking nothing, because I am learning about who I am, and who I am is your Mom, but I am still accepted by you and I am still a whole person. Even when there is much to learn and grow from, we are all still "whole".

I love you both and can't wait to see what happens next each day!

Early Morning Mondays

I pick my girls up at their dad's every Monday morning at 6:30am and drive them 45 minutes home to get them to school on time. (which means I leave my house at 5:30am) It's touch and go on Mondays. Mondays, I ain't so pretty. I roll out of bed and throw on clothes and get in the car. Sometimes I don't throw on clothes but wear my pajamas. Depending on how I feel. Mondays I hide all day, without a shower, without much sleep, with an odd outfit I've put together in the dark, and without brushed hair. I never brush my hair on Mondays.

You'd think I'd get it together around 9 after the girls are both in school. But I don't. I tend to keep it grungy. I just go with it.

As for the girls, it is touch and go with them too. Most of the time, if they went to bed at a decent time, they are awake, fed and ready to get in the car. Sometimes they are still sleeping when I get there. Sometimes there may be some sort of other "issue".

This morning in particular, there was a little upset. Anna was crying when I got there. Claire was nonchalantly going about her business getting her stuff together and walking out to the car. Their dad finally said "Claire's wearing Anna's underwear and she won't take it off." Yes, my little one decided to wear her big sister's underwear today and refused to change out of them. There was no resolution other than that Anna finally had to just accept it. And she did.

6 things tag

My friend tagged me on her blog. Which means I have to follow along. Because she says so. That's how she is. She tells you to do something, you do it. Really. So here it is:

Tell about 6 spectacular quirks of yours. Tag 6 more bloggers by linking them. (which I probably won't do) Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged. (which I probably won't do.

1) I love sand dollars. But when they are dry and dead in our shell basket, I still feel like I am killing it all over again if it breaks.

2) My closet door must be closed when I go to bed at night. My children's closet door must be closed at night when I go to bed.

3) I am a coffee snob. I am very picky about coffee. If I have Folders to choose from over nothing, I will choose nothing, no matter the caffeine withdrawal. I prefer anything organic like Jim's or I will buy Peet's, Starbucks as long as it is French Roast, and the one dark roast from Trader Joe's in the blue can. And anything that costs more than $10 a pound, I generally like.

4) I love turning off all the ringers on my phones at night, including my cell, when my girls are in their beds, safe and asleep.

5) I dislike bathroom fans. Can't stand them.

6) Mindless television is the best.

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Everything has been fine at your house the whole six weeks you've been gone. The heat never went out. Your car started just fine when I ran it for a few moments. No one broke in. Your mail is all set. The roof didn't cave in.

Today was our last day to check on the place before you return on Friday.

I am sorry to say that my two sweet little girls, your grandbabies, disappeared in your yard for a bit. I went to find them, I could hear them, but I couldn't see them...when I found them, they were each clutching some enormous bouquets of beautiful flowers.

I am happy to say that many of your bulbs came up, just in time for your return. The daffodils especially. Gosh, they are beautiful.

I am sorry to say, they are no longer in the garden but in a glass on your kitchen counter, waiting for you.

I am glad to report that I stopped them before they picked the tulips.

Welcome home.

Love, your daughter.

Mommy Hormones

You know it's "Mommy Hormones" when you cry over:

1) ....your kids climbing in bed with you at the break of dawn in those little cozy bear like feetie pajamas and sing Coldplay songs, specifically the "Dumb" song (Kingdom Come).

2) ....your children kissing you and it tastes like hotdogs and lollipops, leaving residue on your lips that you taste for the rest of the day (or until you wash your face, but how could you do that???)

3) ....your preschooler telling you she almost cried at school because she missed you but when snacktime came around, she was "A-OK!"

4) ....your two daughters thinking you are a real princess that once lived in a castle because they saw a picture of you in your wedding dress.

5) ....your children thinking you are the "bestest" singer in the whole wide world and you have a "really really really really good voice, Mommy!"

6) ....lying in the dark beside your three year old singing bedtime hymns to her before sleep and she has her face right next to your's, gazing in your eyes by nightlight, soft hand on your cheek, and then sticking her tongue out and licks your nose.

7) ....your children screaming and crying and kicking when it is time for them to go with their dad for the weekend (okay, this has only happened twice in a year, thankfully, but it is bittersweet....nice to know they miss me, but difficult to know they are having a hard time with it)

8) ....your children singing "Happy Bird-day to Mommy" three full weeks before your birthday, multiple times a day.

9) ....your daughters play "Little House on the Prairie" and sing the theme, the way you did with your sister 30 years ago

10) ....you look at your body in the mirror and realize you finally lost all the baby weight....just 5 years after the last one was born....size 6? Wooo hooooo!